When Prejudice Overides Integrity

When I was studying psychology and sociology in university, there were a couple of modules on both stereotyping and deviancy. The premise for stereotyping is that these days, there are so many specialisations in terms of occupations, culture and religious beliefs that the average human brain is unable to assimilate all aspects of every individual one meets. The solution is to accord to each new acquaintance characteristics of a particular stereotype that one perceives that new acquaintance to belong to. The most common by far is that of race and nationality. Just for example, if one is perceived to belong to Arab-Middle Eastern descent, a whole host of associated perceived steoreotypes of that person may flood the perception of an average Caucasian. In fact, the statement I just made is in itself an exercise in stereotyping. In actuality, the only fair way is to perceive every new person we meet as a complete and unique individual in his or her own right.

The problem with stereotyping is that by definition, it breeds prejudice. Even before actually knowing a new acquaintance for who he or she is, by stereotyping that individual, we are already building a base of biasness against that individual. And when that biasness is translated into action, prejudice is the result. Here in Singapore, we tend to view many workers from other countries as being of a lower social status than we are: Chinese nationals, Indian nationals and even Thai and Filipino nationals are looked upon as not being of equal status as Singaporeans; which makes for a rather sad state of affairs.

The recent case on the murder of a Chinese female national in a heartland massage parlour brought my thoughts sharply into focus. Whispers and common gossip on the ground agreed that she had it coming to her. Working in a lower-end massage parlour (not spa, mind you) denotes the presence of certain sleazy and dodgy activities which concludes the average massage session. In effect, there is a perception that many massage parlours in Singapore are just fronts for places which offer sexual services.

To put things sharply into perspective, we need only think deeply into the motives which drive young women to uproot themselves away from their families to travel thousands of kilometres to a little red dot in South East Asia. It is so easy to say that they are doing it for money. But think further. What drives them to sever family ties? To travel alone and without the security of friends? To stake their future in a career as uncertain as a masseuse? To risk being ridiculed and stared at? To leave everything they hold dear for the hope, not the promise, just the hope, of something better? Bar none, every one of those young women are protagonists in a life story which can break even the stoniest of hearts.

And yet, as a nation, as a people, we stare and point fingers and walk pass them with our noses in the air and even in extremes, commit bodily harm on them. They don't deserve such treatment from us. If it weren't for circumstances, they would not even have ventured so far abroad to seek their fortune. They are also here to eke out a living the best they can, and all because the Singaporean currency is, for the present, stronger than the Chinese yuan. At least they eke out their living with quiet dignity and integrity.

What dignity and integrity is there in being a masseuse, you ask? Or for that matter, what dignity and integrity is there in being a bar-top dancer, or a prostitute, or a social escort? All these are occupations which are perceived by the public to be depraved and without morals. But I would like to ask this question: Wherein lies the dignity and integrity of being born with a golden spoon in one's mouth? In marrying rich and becoming a socialite? In sponging off the work of others? I believe the average hooker in Geylang possesses more integrity of spirit than any woman whose overiding aim in life is to marry rich and idle for the rest of her days.

Walk into a bar in Orchard Towers. You get approached by a girl. She is beautiful, and her intentions are obvious. She wants you to take her out for a short time. And she will charge a fee for that time. And she promises to make you happy. Therein likes the dignity and integrity of behaviour. She is willing to serve if you are willing to pay. It is the honouring and fulfillment of a verbal contract to the best of both parties' abilities. On the other hand, walk into a posh establishment. A girl comes up to you. She smiles at you, and asks you for a drink. Dazzled by her, you buy her a drink. She starts making small-talk and then eventually asks for another drink. And another, and another. As the night wears on, your hopes raise. But at the end of the night, she waves goodbye and leaves without a backward glance.

If you say the second girl has more dignity and integrity than the first, then I implore you to look closely at the principles which compelled you to that view. If the behaviour of those girls were translated into business practices, you would know what I meant. Which would you rather do business with? The business which is upfront and honest with you? Or the business which leads you on, siphons your money, and then leaves you high and dry?

Please, don't let prejudice cloud how you see someone. You may not approve of their actions, but behind many pretty faces, lies stories that may break your heart, and a character which may possess more dignity and integrity than many of us...

The religion of rationality

Let me say this upfront and at the start of this entry. I am reproducing the following passage from Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. Despite it being a speech by the arch-villain of the novel, the speech itself and the implications and ramifications it contains struck a deep chord in me. It is for this reason that I am faithfully reproducing the passage. It is a tribute, as it were, to Dan Brown. So many critics of popular fiction forget that, appealing to the masses requires good writing too...

"To the Illuminati, and to those of science, let me say this. You have won the war.

"The wheels have been in motion for a long time. Your victory has been inevitable. Never before has it been as obvious as it is at this moment. Science is the new God.

"Medicine, electronic communications, space travel, genetic manipulation... these are the miracles about which we now tell our children. These are the miracles we herald as proof that science will bring us the answers. The ancient stories of immaculate conceptions, burning bushes, and parting seas are no longer relevant. God has become obsolete. Science has won the battle. We concede.

"But science's victory has cost every one of us. And it has cost us deeply.

"Science may have alleviated the miseries of disease and drudgery and provided an array of gadgetry for our entertainment and convenience, but it has left us in a world without wonder. Our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. The complexities of the universe have been shredded into mathematical equations. Even our self-worth as human beings has been destroyed. Science proclaims that Planet Earth and its inhabitants are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. A cosmic accident. Even the technology that promises to unite us, divides us. Each of us is now electronically connected to the globe, and yet we feel utterly alone. We are bombarded with violence, division, fracture, and betrayal. Skepticism has become a virtue. Cynicism and demand for proof has become enlightened thought. Is it any wonder that humans now feel more depressed and defeated than they have at any point in human history? Does science hold anything sacred? Science looks for answers by probing our unborn foetuses. Science even presumes to rearrange our own DNA. It shatters God's world into smaller and smaller pieces in quest of meaning... and all it finds is more questions.

"The ancient war between science and religion is over. You have won. But you have not won fairly. You have not won by providing answers. You have won by so radically reorienting our society that the truths we once saw as signposts now seem inapplicable. Religion cannot keep up. Scientific growth is exponential. It feeds on itself like a virus. Every new breakthrough opens doors for new breakthroughs. Mankind took thousands of years to progress from the wheel to the car. Yet only decades from the car into space. Now we measure scientific progress in weeks. We are spinning out of control. The rift between us grows deeper and deeper, and as religion is left behind, people find themselves in a spiritual void. We cry out for meaning. And believe me, we do cry out. We see UFOs, engage in channeling, spirit contact, out-of-body experiences, mindquests - all these eccentric ideas have a scientific veneer, but they are unashamedly irrational. They are the desperate cry of the modern soul, lonely and tormented, crippled by its own enlightenment and its inability to accept meaning in anything removed from technology.

"Science, you say, will save us. Science, I say, has destroyed us. Since the days of Galileo, the church has tried to slow the relentless march of science, sometimes with misguided means, but always with benevolent intention. Even so, the temptations are too great for man to resist. I warn you, look around yourselves. The promises of science have not been kept. Promises of efficiency and simplicity have bred nothing but pollution and chaos. We are a fractured and frantic species... moving down a path of destruction.

"Who is this God science? Who is the God who offers his people power but no moral framework to tell you how to use that power? What kind of God gives a child fire but does not warn the child of its dangers? The language of science comes with no signposts about good and bad. Science textbooks tell us how to create a nuclear reaction, and yet they contain no chapter asking us if it is a good or a bad idea.

"To science, I say this. The church is tired. We are exhausted from trying to be your signposts. Our resources are drying up from our campaign to be the voice of balance as you plow blindly on in your quest for smaller chips and larger profits. We ask not why you will not govern yourselves, but how can you? Your world moves so fast that if you stop even for an instant to consider the implications of your actions, someone more efficient will whip past you in a blur. So you move on. You proliferate weapons of mass destruction, but it is the Pope who travels the world beseeching leaders to use restraint. You clone living creatures, but it is the church reminding us to consider the moral implications of our actions. You encourage people to interact on phones, video screens, and computers, but it is the church who opens its doors and reminds us to commune in person as we were meant to do. You even murder unborn babies in the name of research that will save lives. Again, it is the church who points out the fallacy of this reasoning.

"And all the while, you proclaim the church is ignorant. But who is more ignorant? The man who cannot define lightning, or the man who does not respect its awesome power? This church is reaching out to you. Reaching out to everyone. And yet the more we reach, the more you push us away. Show me proof there is a God, you say. I say use your telescopes to look to the heavens, and tell me how there could not be a God! You ask what does God look like. I say, where did that question come from? The answers are one and the same. Do you not see God in your science? How can you miss Him! You proclaim that even the slightest change in the force of gravity or the weight of an atom would have rendered our universe a lifeless mist rather than our magnificent sea of heavenly bodies, and yet you fail to see God's hand in this? Is it really so much easier to believe that we simply chose the right card from a deck of billions? Have we become so spiritually bankrupt that we would rather believe in mathematical impossibility than in a power greater than us?

"Whether or not you believe in God, you must believe this. When we as a species abandon our trust in the power greater than us, we abandon our sense of accountability. Faith... all faiths... are admonitions that there is something we cannot understand, something to which we are accountable... With faith we are accountable to each other, to ourselves, and to a higher truth. Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed. If the outside world could see this church as I do... looking beyond the ritual of these walls... they would see a modern miracle... a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be a voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control.

"Are we obsolete? Are these men dinosaurs? Am I? Does the world really need a voice for the poor, the weak, the oppressed, the unborn child? Do we really need souls like these who, though imperfect, spend their lives imploring each of us to read the signposts of morality and not lose our way?

"Tonight we are perched on a precipice. None of us can afford to be apathetic. Whether you see this evil as Satan, corruption, or immorality... the dark force is alive and growing every day. Do not ignore it. The force, though mighty, is not invincible. Goodness can prevail. Listen to your hearts. Listen to God. Together we can step back from this abyss.

"Pray with me."

Respect, or the lack thereof...

Respect is a funny thing. The people who have it the most are usually also the ones who ask for it the least. Conversely of course, the ones who demand it the most are usually the ones who least deserve it. As far as I can see, there are 3 main types of respect. There is respect for a person whom you feel respect for as a person (wow, what a tongue-twister), then there is respect for a person due to his appointment, and finally, there is the respect for a person due to his reputation. More often than not, the respect we feel for a person consists of a mixture of some or all of the above.

Let's elaborate a little more. I have respect for some of my peers because I have seen them at work or at play. I see how they think, how they respond to various conundrums and situations, and I admire them for their thought processes and paradigms. It becomes a learning experience for me to be able to follow how they think, or failing that, to at least emulate their actions and then think through their motivations for their actions. The more I feel their thought processes and actions make sense, or reflects integrity, or results in desirable consequences, the more I respect them. This is respect for a person for his sake.

Then there is respect for a person due to his appointment. This is an increasing phenomenon in today's increasingly capitalistic world *wry grinz*. So you have all those high and mighty managers in huge mega-corporations expecting that you'd afford them the necessary ass-kissing respect just because they are high and mighty managers in huge mega-corporations. Deja vu, no? Don't get me wrong, I do have respect for a lot of my managers where I work, but that's because I respect them as people of integrity who are knowledgeable go-getters. But, there are also managers who expect respect without even lifting their pudgy arses out of their oversized chairs. Those, I won't even bother giving the time of the day to.

Then there is the third type of respect we usually reserve for pop idols, the Pope and Lee Kwan Yew. These people are given respect by us because of their achievements and their public behaviour. Indirectly, there is also respect by proxy: if a friend you vastly respect has a mentor he speaks glowingly of, then even though you may not have met this mentor, you'd already have some modicum of respect for him. Or, say you really like my blog and totally agree with my views, and are totally enamoured by the clear and concise way I put my thoughts across. You'd respect me because of my blog even though you've never met me before! (LOL, is that total self-promotion or WHAT! hahaha)

What is the point of this long and rambling discourse on respect? Well, I happen to think that the respect least deserving of being given is the type of respect that is expected from me just because that person happens to be my superior. Now there are two managers in my work place who happen to fall into that category, and let me tell you, the feeling sucks big time. To these two managers, all I can say is, don't presume to tell me how to do my work, especially when you are unwilling, or unable, to provide me with the necessary guidance in order to demonstrate to me how to do my work. You want my respect? Earn it. Don't tell me to accord you respect just because of your position.

And to any other person who happen to stumble onto my humble blog, remember that you don't get respect just by expecting it. It doesn't matter if you want respect with regards to your position, or in a relationship, or in the workplace, or as head of the family, or as a leader of a group or organisation. Respect, true respect from the heart, can only be earned and freely given. It cannot be demanded from, or expected. Staying true to yourself is laudable and a virtue, but to go one step further, stay true to the people who are close to you, who depend on you, or who look up to you.

I'm back...

It's been nine long months since I wrote something... I must be the laziest blogger around... sigh... oh well...

Anyway, I'm back :)