I Believe, Therefore I Am

In many times, and in many places, enlightened minds have often pondered about what makes a human special, distinct, instantly different from the rest of the living creatures that populate the world around us. Is it our vastly superior intellect? (Although the way we treat our environment and each other often belies that "superior intellect" we are supposed to possess.) Is it our creativity, although seldom exercised? Is it our compassion, now seldom demonstrated? Of course there are some who will also argue that it is all of the above that demonstrates our distinction from other species.

I believe though that there is yet another factor which differentiates us from other animals: the ability to believe. Some may call it faith, others may call it delusion. But there is no doubt that the power to believe, and the power of belief, both, are intrinsic to humanity. And intricately intertwined in these, are the emotions of hope, despair, optimism, pessimism and perhaps, even love.

To underscore exactly how powerful the ability to believe can be, we can look at the history of the world. Through faith, the structured belief in a religion, men have fought wars. Through customs, the belief in the traditions of one’s society, atrocities have been committed. Think of the crusades, where Christians and Moslems fought for the Holy Land. Think of culture, where female babies have been ditched for the hope of the conception of a future male. I think you get the idea.

The intrinsic ability to believe is therefore fundamental to human existence, Yet nowhere else is it demonstrated in the animal kingdom. Perhaps in some small way, a dog demonstrates it, by waiting at the door for the owner to come back. But that is a belief borne of routine and demonstration. Only humans have the ability (some might call it folly) to believe in something that they may have never experienced in their lifetime.

Belief can sustain a human through the leanest and most evil of times, and yet may drive a person to suicide even though that person may seem to be the luckiest individual alive. And like any other emotion (well belief is not an emotion, one colleague calls it emotion, another calls it a frame of mind… I am inclined to agree with the latter) belief can be both debilitating and enlightening.

I know that while we have to be very careful about what we believe in, and how we apply our beliefs, our beliefs can and should be controlled and carefully monitored. Because, like so many other things, the act of believing, can define a person. I believe, therefore I am.

How to die...

I have been a little out of sorts these past few days. I guess it all started when I came back from Bintan just a couple of days ago having spent the weekend there with some of my ex-uni hostel mates. During a period of less that 48 hours, we played nine rounds of mahjong. With my notoriously bad luck, I of course managed to actually give free stays to two of my friends. Sigh. Anyway, after I came back from Bintan, I have been alternating between being marginally depressed and being a real bitch. I'd love to call myself a bastard, but I do know who my parents are; so I'll settle for being a bitch, obvious gender discrepancies notwithstanding.

So it is with this not-so-hidden sense of appropriateness that I realise my next topic which I flagged from Mr Piers Anthony, has got to do with how to die.

I believe for most of us, those of us who have spent a certain amount of time thinking about it anyway, we are not so much scared of death, but rather the manner in which we will die. I mean, seriously, what can happen after death? In popular culture, there is technically only four things that can happen after death. You can a) go to heaven, b) go to hell, c) become reincarnated, d) be in total and eternal stasis. Of course you can also become the odd ghost/spirit/poltergeist/apparition, but that doesn't really count because you are technically still of the earth (more on that some other blog-entry).

The manner of dying on the other hand... now for that the possibilities are endless. You can die from disease, old age, suicide, poison, wounds, murder, heartbreak... the list goes on and on and on. And most of these modes of dying, other than perhaps just sitting in a car for 48 hours with the car engine running, involve a great deal of pain. Yes, I believe I'm not afraid of dying, just the way I am going to die.

Contrary to what the title of this entry might imply, I am not going to discuss how to die in any terms of methodology. There are already far too many forums and discussion boards on the internet for that. So, apologies to those with suicidal tendencies who happen to stumble over my humble blog. I would like to discuss instead, how I would not like to die.

Ideally, I really would rather not have to die with an excessive amount of pain and suffering. There is already too much of that in the world for me to want to add to it. Noble eh? Haha, actually I'm just selfish. I'd rather not have to suffer more than is necessary. Full stop. Seriously though, if I had a choice, I would want to die with all my mental faculties intact. In an earlier entry, I wrote down all my favourite quotations from Tuesdays With Morrie. Underlying that admiration for what Morrie says, is the desire to emulate how he eventually passes from this world. He may suffer from a wasting disease, an ailment that robs him of the dignity to even perform the most basic human functions. But until the very end, he possesses all his mental faculties, his power of reasoning, and his skills of empathy. I think, therefore I am. If I do not think, I therefore am not.

I may change my tune in some distant future. But for now, I would just like to say this to anyone reading this who may be with me when I am on my deathbed: If you know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I no longer have my mental powers, then let me peacefully die. Because, my mind, my soul, has already gone on to something better.

Responses

To the three wonderful people who sent responses to my last post:

1) Yes, my friend, I now know who you are. Unfortunately the lady I addressed in the Ode is not you. Nonetheless, we have shared many happy moments, and I am sure you are happy with your new-found love. Thank you for your lovely poem in response. It was written with feeling.

2) To the truly anonymous person who left the second comment: Yes this poem is original. And heartfelt thanks for your compliment towards this simple poem. To answer your question, I doubt the lady I was writing to even knows the existence of this blog. And I'm not sure what reaction she'd have if she did read the poem. Anyway I guess the point is moot, because short of blatant and shameless self-promotion of this blog's URL to her, she would probably never ever get to read what I wrote. But thank you for your compliment once again. At least I do know there is someone who has read it, and appreciates it, poor work though it may be.

3) To Gelyn: And here I am, with Chinese dictionary on my lap, still trying to decipher the comments you left :) Hope everything is going well with you, and I'm truly sorry I haven't had much chance to chat with you. Life has been pretty hectic these past few weeks. Even my blog entries are sort of drying up. Bleah. Make sure you take care of yourself though ok?

Strange though that it is a personal entry that elicits the most response. Haha. It's nice to have comments though, be they flames or compliments. To all the friends out there, both intimate and faceless, keep in contact at least through this humble blog. Take care all.