Sex In The City
Just ended a very interesting discussion over the net with a friend on, guess what? Sex. I can just hear all the delighted scandal-filled gasps echoing through the highways of the net. Yeah yeah yeah... we talked about sex, and my chat partner is a female. So? Big fat hairy deal. And in case any of you think that we were having *shudder* net sex, forget ok? I'm one of those who'd prefer doing it in person rather than over the net or phone.
When are we going to discard our parochial and out-dated views on sex? When are we going to realise that sex is an activity as natural and as important to our survival as the ingestion of food and air? And mark my words. In the evolutionary scheme of things, sex is just as important to our survival as a species as food and air. No sex, no descendents. Simple.
But more than that, humans are part of a very elite group of animals who are able to have, or want to have, sex all year round. Simply because there is no such thing as being in heat for us. In addition, we have a trait that is unique to humans only. We use sex as a means of enjoyment. To most of us, sex is an enjoyable pastime. One that allows us to de-stress (by release), exercise (it burns more calories than swimming) and provides us that unique feeling that the Japanese have aptly called the Feeling of the Wind and the Clouds.
So why are we as a society, so ashamed of talking about, and doing it? If our attitudes towards sex were identical to say, breathing, I would guarantee that sexual crimes would never exist. It is the "taboo-fication" of sex which gives rise to the corrupted and perverted desire to abuse the opposite gender's private space, and violate the individual. Because mark my words: it is not the physical act of rape that makes a sexual crime so heinous; it is the invasion of the body, the loss of control by the victim and the forced intimacy of the act itself that psychologically overwhelms the sufferer. The perpetrator in turn does not derive his or her pleasure from the act itself, but from the sense of control and mastery over the victim, and the guilty pleasure of indulging in an act that is frowned upon by society.
But I digress. Anyway, the crux of the discussion we had was how she had a friend that would get hurt because she'd have sex with a guy she liked, but the guy would then leave her. And my stand was, much as it seems cruel to say so, that she should not have invested so much collateral emotions to the act of love-making. True, I would be the first to agree that coitus is an excellent way to bring two people together. It is an act that, invested with love, desire, tenderness, consideration and communication, can result in an earth-shattering, divinely wonderful experience. But to invest the act of love-making also with the expectation that it can induce more love is erroneous. To think that sex can be exchanged for commitment is fallacious thinking. And both perceptions, misguided as they are, can only result in heartbreak.
What is the alternative? I believe the answer is very simple. To "un-taboo-fy" sex, and to dissociate it from being equated with love. When we stop talking and thinking of sex as a subject of taboo, we start being more truthful and upfront with our treatment of sex. Communication channels about sex across all related subjects, from diseases, to relationships, to the responsible indulgence of sex can be more openly discussed. Awareness for STDs, pregnancies, and the definition of sexual abuse and the prevention thereof can subsequently be raised. Talking about sex can bring a close relationship between two people even closer. And perhaps most important of all, treating sex as normal, natural and inevitable can result in better and more responsible sexual practices around the world.
Part of the process of "un-taboo-ifying" sex must of necessity result in the dissociation of sex with love. While it can be an important and major part of a relationship, we must also be able to step back and view sex as an end in itself. Fornication for fornication's sake is not evil. It is something that can and should be appreciated in itself. Can two people not appreciate the simple close proximity that coitus can bring? Why can we not simply enjoy the pleasure that sex can bring? The health benefits? Why can't two friends, buddies and pals for so long, enjoy sex as a way of mutually spending time and giving pleasure for each other? Need we always invest the act of intercourse with the emotion of love? The answer, to any rational person, should be obvious: there is no need.
Love comes first. Commitment comes next. And a future is built. Sex does not come first; it does not result in the rest. To say that sex equals love is like saying a petal equals the whole flower. It is so narrow-minded as to be darkly hilarious. Once we are able to demystify sex, and look at it with clarity on its own merits, and allow sex to take its proper place in society's scheme of things, indulging in sex will at once become a more open, more universal, and yet infinitely more responsible activity.
Don't just do it. Talk about it.
When are we going to discard our parochial and out-dated views on sex? When are we going to realise that sex is an activity as natural and as important to our survival as the ingestion of food and air? And mark my words. In the evolutionary scheme of things, sex is just as important to our survival as a species as food and air. No sex, no descendents. Simple.
But more than that, humans are part of a very elite group of animals who are able to have, or want to have, sex all year round. Simply because there is no such thing as being in heat for us. In addition, we have a trait that is unique to humans only. We use sex as a means of enjoyment. To most of us, sex is an enjoyable pastime. One that allows us to de-stress (by release), exercise (it burns more calories than swimming) and provides us that unique feeling that the Japanese have aptly called the Feeling of the Wind and the Clouds.
So why are we as a society, so ashamed of talking about, and doing it? If our attitudes towards sex were identical to say, breathing, I would guarantee that sexual crimes would never exist. It is the "taboo-fication" of sex which gives rise to the corrupted and perverted desire to abuse the opposite gender's private space, and violate the individual. Because mark my words: it is not the physical act of rape that makes a sexual crime so heinous; it is the invasion of the body, the loss of control by the victim and the forced intimacy of the act itself that psychologically overwhelms the sufferer. The perpetrator in turn does not derive his or her pleasure from the act itself, but from the sense of control and mastery over the victim, and the guilty pleasure of indulging in an act that is frowned upon by society.
But I digress. Anyway, the crux of the discussion we had was how she had a friend that would get hurt because she'd have sex with a guy she liked, but the guy would then leave her. And my stand was, much as it seems cruel to say so, that she should not have invested so much collateral emotions to the act of love-making. True, I would be the first to agree that coitus is an excellent way to bring two people together. It is an act that, invested with love, desire, tenderness, consideration and communication, can result in an earth-shattering, divinely wonderful experience. But to invest the act of love-making also with the expectation that it can induce more love is erroneous. To think that sex can be exchanged for commitment is fallacious thinking. And both perceptions, misguided as they are, can only result in heartbreak.
What is the alternative? I believe the answer is very simple. To "un-taboo-fy" sex, and to dissociate it from being equated with love. When we stop talking and thinking of sex as a subject of taboo, we start being more truthful and upfront with our treatment of sex. Communication channels about sex across all related subjects, from diseases, to relationships, to the responsible indulgence of sex can be more openly discussed. Awareness for STDs, pregnancies, and the definition of sexual abuse and the prevention thereof can subsequently be raised. Talking about sex can bring a close relationship between two people even closer. And perhaps most important of all, treating sex as normal, natural and inevitable can result in better and more responsible sexual practices around the world.
Part of the process of "un-taboo-ifying" sex must of necessity result in the dissociation of sex with love. While it can be an important and major part of a relationship, we must also be able to step back and view sex as an end in itself. Fornication for fornication's sake is not evil. It is something that can and should be appreciated in itself. Can two people not appreciate the simple close proximity that coitus can bring? Why can we not simply enjoy the pleasure that sex can bring? The health benefits? Why can't two friends, buddies and pals for so long, enjoy sex as a way of mutually spending time and giving pleasure for each other? Need we always invest the act of intercourse with the emotion of love? The answer, to any rational person, should be obvious: there is no need.
Love comes first. Commitment comes next. And a future is built. Sex does not come first; it does not result in the rest. To say that sex equals love is like saying a petal equals the whole flower. It is so narrow-minded as to be darkly hilarious. Once we are able to demystify sex, and look at it with clarity on its own merits, and allow sex to take its proper place in society's scheme of things, indulging in sex will at once become a more open, more universal, and yet infinitely more responsible activity.
Don't just do it. Talk about it.
posted by ekkie at 2:20 am
1 Comments:
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