Are Men and Women Really Different?
Guess this is a topic that has been debated and redebated through the ages ad nauseum. But since this is also an issue that affects practically everyone who has ever been in love (or who have ever thought that they are in love) I thought I'd add my two rupiah worth.
You see, I've just come back from a chalet with a girl that I am very close to and whom I hope to build a future with. The chalet was to celebrate her elder sister's birthday and because of that, her entire family and lots of her friends were there. Frankly, while I was a little bewildered at all the new faces I got to know, I still had quite a grand old time. Only thing was, throughout the entire 2 days we were there, I sort of felt that she was a little cold to me, deliberately mixing around more with the other people. Since she is obviously the person I'm most familiar with there, there were occasional moments when I did feel a little out of sorts.
Although I haven't spoken to her about this, I do have a few conjectures on her behaviour. For one thing, she didn't have a very nice father. He's the kind of guy you read about who gives the rest of us guys a bad name, abandoning womenfolk, etc. So, she grew up mistrusting guys in general. She confided in me that she'd broke off with her previous two boyfriends because they seemed to be growing away from her and was neglecting her. I've tried to reassure her that I'm not like that (I know any females reading this are going,"yeah yeah, that's what they all say", but it's true; I'm already past the age for playing around), and that I'll treat her well till the end of days, but so far she's been having none of that.
I can understand the insecurities plaguing the female psyche, having had what I feel is more than my fair share of first hand experiences from my last ex. She used to check my handphone, and go through my email in an effort to try and catch me in acts of infidelity. In the end she left me because of a totally innocuous SMS to my mother! And I was left with exactly the same feeling I had when I read about how this Boeing 747 crashed with over a hundred passengers on board because a flock of sea gulls flew into the engines, stalling 3 of them. There was amusement, incredulity, a feeling of senseless loss, outrage at the fateful injustice of it all, sadness, and finally, resignation at the fact that these things happen. Now try to magnify those feelings a thousand-fold, and that was the gamut of emotions running through me when she left.
And now, it does seem as if the same thing might be happening again.
What is it about females that seem to make them think that insecurity and moral superiority are their province and theirs alone? We guys have insecurities too you know. Whenever we hear about our loved ones talking about this cute male colleague or that ex-flame they are still in contact with, don't you think we also have pangs of jealousy slicing through our hearts? As a rule, usually because of some misguided sense of masochistic stoicity, we don't show it, but it is my strong impression that guys suffer exactly the same feelings of insecurity and occasional inadequacy as any female.
So wherein lies the difference? Like I said, it is the fact that guys don't usually show it. Rather, we put on an artificially brave front, shrugging those feelings off as weak or unmanly. Sometimes we don't even admit to ourselves how much our insecurities can affect our morale, our outlooks, our relationships. And because the females are more adept at expressing their insecurities, they get heard more.
With the emancipation of females (and I'm not saying that's a bad thing mind you), the fairer gender has become at once more vocal and outspoken. Like most things, this is a double-edged sword. While more attention can be drawn to important female issues, the voices and views of males seem to have been sidelined.
I think it is time to admit that while our outward expressions are markedly different, both males and females are much more similar deep inside than we care to admit. To quote a popular Collin Raye song:
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try
"I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry
"And I know you do the same things, too
"So we're really not that different, me and you"
You see, I've just come back from a chalet with a girl that I am very close to and whom I hope to build a future with. The chalet was to celebrate her elder sister's birthday and because of that, her entire family and lots of her friends were there. Frankly, while I was a little bewildered at all the new faces I got to know, I still had quite a grand old time. Only thing was, throughout the entire 2 days we were there, I sort of felt that she was a little cold to me, deliberately mixing around more with the other people. Since she is obviously the person I'm most familiar with there, there were occasional moments when I did feel a little out of sorts.
Although I haven't spoken to her about this, I do have a few conjectures on her behaviour. For one thing, she didn't have a very nice father. He's the kind of guy you read about who gives the rest of us guys a bad name, abandoning womenfolk, etc. So, she grew up mistrusting guys in general. She confided in me that she'd broke off with her previous two boyfriends because they seemed to be growing away from her and was neglecting her. I've tried to reassure her that I'm not like that (I know any females reading this are going,"yeah yeah, that's what they all say", but it's true; I'm already past the age for playing around), and that I'll treat her well till the end of days, but so far she's been having none of that.
I can understand the insecurities plaguing the female psyche, having had what I feel is more than my fair share of first hand experiences from my last ex. She used to check my handphone, and go through my email in an effort to try and catch me in acts of infidelity. In the end she left me because of a totally innocuous SMS to my mother! And I was left with exactly the same feeling I had when I read about how this Boeing 747 crashed with over a hundred passengers on board because a flock of sea gulls flew into the engines, stalling 3 of them. There was amusement, incredulity, a feeling of senseless loss, outrage at the fateful injustice of it all, sadness, and finally, resignation at the fact that these things happen. Now try to magnify those feelings a thousand-fold, and that was the gamut of emotions running through me when she left.
And now, it does seem as if the same thing might be happening again.
What is it about females that seem to make them think that insecurity and moral superiority are their province and theirs alone? We guys have insecurities too you know. Whenever we hear about our loved ones talking about this cute male colleague or that ex-flame they are still in contact with, don't you think we also have pangs of jealousy slicing through our hearts? As a rule, usually because of some misguided sense of masochistic stoicity, we don't show it, but it is my strong impression that guys suffer exactly the same feelings of insecurity and occasional inadequacy as any female.
So wherein lies the difference? Like I said, it is the fact that guys don't usually show it. Rather, we put on an artificially brave front, shrugging those feelings off as weak or unmanly. Sometimes we don't even admit to ourselves how much our insecurities can affect our morale, our outlooks, our relationships. And because the females are more adept at expressing their insecurities, they get heard more.
With the emancipation of females (and I'm not saying that's a bad thing mind you), the fairer gender has become at once more vocal and outspoken. Like most things, this is a double-edged sword. While more attention can be drawn to important female issues, the voices and views of males seem to have been sidelined.
I think it is time to admit that while our outward expressions are markedly different, both males and females are much more similar deep inside than we care to admit. To quote a popular Collin Raye song:
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try
"I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry
"And I know you do the same things, too
"So we're really not that different, me and you"
posted by ekkie at 9:52 pm
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