What Do You Choose To Feel On Your Deathbed?

I watched House again a couple of nights back. Amazing how many of life’s lessons you can sometimes learn from a TV series.

In this episode, Amber was admitted into the hospital in critical condition after a serious road accident, suffering from kidney damage and overdosing on flu medication. In case you didn’t know, the character Amber was a shortlisted candidate for House’s new team of doctors, and then became Wilson’s (House’s best friend) girlfriend. This episode contained “firsts” of many kinds: it was the first time House was treating someone dear to him (or at least someone dear to his best friend); it was the first time House actually put his own life at risk in order to treat a patient; and it was the first time (that I know of) that House’s patient died. But that’s not what I’m writing about. I am writing about one particular line which stuck in my mind after watching the show.

In the deathbed scene, Wilson was lying beside Amber comforting her in her final moments. With tears in his eyes and a voice choked with emotion, Wilson asked Amber, “Why aren’t you angry?” (After all, Amber was in this situation because she went to pick up an inebriated House who was drinking in a seedy pub). Amber’s reply? “I don’t want it to be the last feeling I have before I die...”

Amber’s words, uttered on her deathbed, shows a maturity and a desire to be a better person, even on the brink of death. More than that, it shows the futility of harbouring anger to the exclusion of all other things. Would you want to die angry, resentful and bitter against all that life and fate threw at you? Or, despite life’s random throw of dice, you choose to accept your karma with equilibrium, serenity and yea, even love? I hope I am man enough, mature enough to do the latter.

All emotions out there have a bearing on how we choose to see our circumstances. Many emotions in turn also have a bearing on how we actually run our lives; how much bearing those emotions bring to our actions, boil down to individual willpower and objectivity. When you are happy, the world takes on a rosy tinge. When you are optimistic, the world seems to be your oyster. However, when you are sad, bitter and resentful, it can seem as if the world is forsaking you, and that life is not worth living. My take on this is both exhilarating and depressing... Frankly, the world doesn’t give a shit, and it doesn’t revolve around any one person.

Depressing isn’t it? You aren’t at the centre of the universe after all. But why is it exhilarating? Because it is also liberating: the world may not give a shit about you, but you can change how you see and interact with the world, just by embracing the emotions which can aid you in life. If it were up to me, I would want to go to my deathbed dying with a smile on my face: happy, loving, positive and accepting. I don’t want to die looking ugly by feeling anger, hatred, despair and bitterness. That is not to say I reject anger; like all emotions, the negative emotions (the Jedis call it the Dark Side) all have their place. But to me, they are acquaintances. Just look at them, accept that they are there, and then release them. Negative emotions will never be my bosom buddies and constant companions.

That is what I am striving for...

Oh, Ye Of Little Faith...

Was having my daily cuppa at Coffee Bean when this article in the Straits Times, Home section caught my eye: "Clergy 'wary of inter-faith talks' ", along with its sub-header "Nearly half of Christian leaders fear that such dialogues will compromise their beliefs: Poll". Along with other findings, the poll also showed that Christian leaders feared to collaborate with leaders from other religions due to an "exclusivist" stance.

I'm not a church-goer. In many ways, I am not even what you would call a typical God-fearing Protestant. However, the results of the poll simply reinforces my belief that my conscious decision not to go to church was the right one. How can our religious leaders, supposedly people of high enlightenment and staunch faith, be so wary and reluctant to engage people from other faiths?

Far from compromising their beliefs, constructive dialogue with leaders from other religions ought to have a reinforcing effect on one's faith. To be able to understand in-depth, the beliefs and traditions of other faiths is one very good way to reinforce one's own stance towards his religion. To adopt an exclusivist stance towards other religions is akin to an ostrich hiding its head in the sand: ignoring another religion will not make the religion go away.

Far from reinforcing one's own beliefs, exclusionist attitudes leads to ignorance, division, and eventually strife; consequences which are fundamentally opposing to the tenets of Christianity itself. In the same article, a poll of 2,700 youths, three-quarters of whom held religious beliefs of some sort, found that while they were overall highly tolerant of people of other faiths, this stemmed more from a "let's not talk about it" stance rather than from genuine understanding.

Isn't this the same as just ignoring the issue?

I am proud to say that I have friends from all major religions found in Singapore: Christian, Buddhist, Taoist, Muslim and Hindu, amongst others. In the same breath, I am also ashamed to say that I probably do not know as much about their respective religions as I ought to. However, I will not adopt a "Holier Than Thou" attitude, which the newspaper article is alluding to. This would be the surest way to deepen inter-religious divisions.

To our religious leaders, who have been anointed by divine providence to lead the flock: we need you to be enlightened and understanding, to clear our doubts and to reinforce our beliefs. How are we going to do that if you are going to be ostriches with heads hidden in the sand?