Pessimism and Misery
Just finished watching the tail end of another episode of House. In case you have no idea what programme that is, just scroll down. Nope, further down; yep, go on; yeah, that's the entry. Amazing what you can learn from TV these days huh?
Anyway, what happened this time around was that Dr House finally managed to win over the woman he loves. And then what does he do? He tells her to stay with her current husband. I mean, DUH??? And it takes the angel doctor of the series to tell House that basically, House loves being miserable. Yes, House doesn't love himself. He respects himself, admires himself, but he doesn't love himself. And so, he also drives away the woman whom he professes to love.
I've never really thought about it that way before; but I have to admit, I see it all around me. Couples in happy relationships and marriages, suddenly breaking apart or divorcing for no rhyme or reason. And why? Simply because one of them doesn't think the relationship is going to last. I mean, of COURSE it ain't gonna last. How can a relationship or a marriage last if one party isn't even going to give it a chance?!
Most of my friends undergoing this extremely painful process have told me their stories. And one of the main issues which starts this whole process off is when one half of the pair undergoes a traumatic episode. It could be the death of a loved one, a lost job, an accident, even the lost of goals in life. That person (doesn't matter if it is the male half or the female half of the relationship), tends to withdraw into himself or herself. Feelings don't seem to matter anymore, and the person begins to question his or her self-worth. And that is when the trouble starts.
Nothing in life seems worth experiencing or working for anymore. The person is directionless, and doesn't know what he or she wants. Nothing seems to excite that person anymore. It is important to realise that this "feeling shut-out" effect is an attempt at self-preservation. If you can't feel anything, you can't be hurt. And coupled with the impression that there is no more direction in life, you have a person who thinks nothing in life is worth working for, and that no one cares for him or her anymore.
What does this mean for the poor partner caught in such a relationship? Helplessness. Since the reason for such trauma obviously has nothing to do with the partner, the other half of the relationship is going to be helpless to drag the afflicted out of such depression. The only way to help is to just be there, not to budge, and be as selfless and supportive as possible. This is obviously very tough to do, because the "living-dead" will do everything in his or her power to push the partner away. The most oft-heard excuse the miserable one will say is that "nothing good ever lasts. I don't believe in good things anymore. Let's just call this marriage/relationship off". Tough.
What has it got to do with House? Well, to all those people who might be reading this post and suffering from the symptoms I've just described, I've got a couple of things I'd like to say, some of which may be hard to read:
1) No one owes you a living, least of all the one who loves and cherishes you the most. So don't go looking for other people to pull you out of your own rut. You gotta do it yourself with your own brute strength.
2) Your partner did nothing wrong. It is not fair to blame your partner for things/events/situations which they had absolutely nothing to do with. So don't go pushing your partner away.
3) Now the good stuff. You've lived this long, you will continue to live longer. True you've just experienced something bad and traumatic. It doesn't mean YOU are bad or useless. You're not. And what doesn't break you will make you stronger. So make sure you don't break.
4) Just because something bad has happened to you, doesn't mean EVERYTHING is bad. There are always silver linings. Go find something else to do. And make sure you drag your partner to do it with you. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will gladly join you.
5) Remember this, "Just because your partner doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they doesn't love you with all their heart."
Give those things which aren't broke a chance to succeed. If you give up before the process is over, you will never know how the process will turn out...
Anyway, what happened this time around was that Dr House finally managed to win over the woman he loves. And then what does he do? He tells her to stay with her current husband. I mean, DUH??? And it takes the angel doctor of the series to tell House that basically, House loves being miserable. Yes, House doesn't love himself. He respects himself, admires himself, but he doesn't love himself. And so, he also drives away the woman whom he professes to love.
I've never really thought about it that way before; but I have to admit, I see it all around me. Couples in happy relationships and marriages, suddenly breaking apart or divorcing for no rhyme or reason. And why? Simply because one of them doesn't think the relationship is going to last. I mean, of COURSE it ain't gonna last. How can a relationship or a marriage last if one party isn't even going to give it a chance?!
Most of my friends undergoing this extremely painful process have told me their stories. And one of the main issues which starts this whole process off is when one half of the pair undergoes a traumatic episode. It could be the death of a loved one, a lost job, an accident, even the lost of goals in life. That person (doesn't matter if it is the male half or the female half of the relationship), tends to withdraw into himself or herself. Feelings don't seem to matter anymore, and the person begins to question his or her self-worth. And that is when the trouble starts.
Nothing in life seems worth experiencing or working for anymore. The person is directionless, and doesn't know what he or she wants. Nothing seems to excite that person anymore. It is important to realise that this "feeling shut-out" effect is an attempt at self-preservation. If you can't feel anything, you can't be hurt. And coupled with the impression that there is no more direction in life, you have a person who thinks nothing in life is worth working for, and that no one cares for him or her anymore.
What does this mean for the poor partner caught in such a relationship? Helplessness. Since the reason for such trauma obviously has nothing to do with the partner, the other half of the relationship is going to be helpless to drag the afflicted out of such depression. The only way to help is to just be there, not to budge, and be as selfless and supportive as possible. This is obviously very tough to do, because the "living-dead" will do everything in his or her power to push the partner away. The most oft-heard excuse the miserable one will say is that "nothing good ever lasts. I don't believe in good things anymore. Let's just call this marriage/relationship off". Tough.
What has it got to do with House? Well, to all those people who might be reading this post and suffering from the symptoms I've just described, I've got a couple of things I'd like to say, some of which may be hard to read:
1) No one owes you a living, least of all the one who loves and cherishes you the most. So don't go looking for other people to pull you out of your own rut. You gotta do it yourself with your own brute strength.
2) Your partner did nothing wrong. It is not fair to blame your partner for things/events/situations which they had absolutely nothing to do with. So don't go pushing your partner away.
3) Now the good stuff. You've lived this long, you will continue to live longer. True you've just experienced something bad and traumatic. It doesn't mean YOU are bad or useless. You're not. And what doesn't break you will make you stronger. So make sure you don't break.
4) Just because something bad has happened to you, doesn't mean EVERYTHING is bad. There are always silver linings. Go find something else to do. And make sure you drag your partner to do it with you. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will gladly join you.
5) Remember this, "Just because your partner doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they doesn't love you with all their heart."
Give those things which aren't broke a chance to succeed. If you give up before the process is over, you will never know how the process will turn out...
posted by ekkie at 11:54 pm
1 comments
